Response to an Article #3

Watch this video. Seriously. It's one of the most touching videos on diversity and love that I've ever seen. And it's cute.

Suddenly, A Wild Bigot Appears!

Earlier today, while I was plinking away at the Curiosity cube on my iPod, I noticed that I had a friend request on Facebook from someone whom I didn't know. Usually when this happens it's from someone who follows me on Twitter or someone with whom I have interacted with on another website and they usually send me a private message saying who they are and where they know me from.

With this in mind, I checked my "other" message box on Facebook to see if this stranger had done so. He hadn't, but surprisingly there was another message in my "other" inbox from yet another person whom I don't know. This extremely lovely individual (please read that with sarcasm thick enough to use as a winter coat) somehow thought that she couldn't rest until she called me an "ABOMINATION to God", insulted my reading skills and questioned my gender identity. How loving of her, right?

Normally, I would just roll my eyes at the poor holier than thou moron and delete the message. This time however, since she went to the trouble of sending me a private message, I decided to respond. She then responded back, quoting two of the infamous "clobber" passages (Leviticus 20:13 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11) both of which Xtians love to quote out of context for some reason. My original response to her must have really hit a nerve though, because she blocked me. Not surprising really; Xtians love to call out other people for their "sins", but when someone else rationally points out to them that they are, in fact sinning by calling people "abominations", they don't seem to like it much. Pot, kettle; can't stand the heat and all that.

Anyway, here is a screen of her original message and my slightly trolling response. I didn't include her response to me as it was just her saying "I'm not judging, these are God's words" and a copy/paste of the two aforementioned, out of context verses. If there are any reading this who find offence with my slightly trolling and/or snarky response, I do apologise for you being offended. Saying that however, there really isn't any other way of responding to people like this woman. They say these things to LGBT people day in and day out, yet refuse to even think that what they're saying is hurtful and harmful.

Thoughts on Gender

As is my wont through out the evening, I was clicking on various links on my Facebook and Twitter time lines when I came across this article on NYMag.com about Agender people. This article got me thinking about the huge spectrum of genders and how people's self-perception of their gender can change.*

C25K - Week 3 Day 2 (and other updates)

To take the place of the 10 week Fresh Start fitness/health programme, I have started the 9 week (estimated) NHS Choices Couch to 5K running programme. The C25K programme is a downloadable podcast that encourages you to build up to running a full 5 kilometres.

Week 3 consists of a 5 minute warm up walk, followed by a 90 second run, a 90 second walk, a 3 minute run and a 3 minute walk (then repeat all once). The final 3 minute walk is considered your cool down walk.

Today was the first run in which I've used my new iPod. Up to now, I was "one of those people" who swore he would never get an Apple product. My main gripe is that they're so expensive (£147+ for a white 8GB iPod Touch). Now that I have one though, I rather like it. The iPod is stored in a "one size fits most" armband which I put on my upper right arm when I'm out and about. The armband is water resistant, which is good, and is hidden from sight under my t-shirt sleeve. It took me a few minutes to get used to, but once I did, I barely paid it any notice. Unfortunately, I don't have the sensor for the Nike+ app yet, so can't say whether I like it or not.

The run itself went well with my pace slightly increased since the first run. Monday's run finished at exactly 2 laps (approximately 1.6 miles according to Google); today's run finished a little ways past that, so I went ahead and completed the third lap accompanied by a few of my own mp3s.

I found the first 3 minute run to be slightly more difficult than last time; by the time Laura said "slow down" I was huffing and quite out of breath. The second 3 minute run wasn't as bad though and I had enough energy to push my speed a bit during the final 60 seconds.

Today was "weighing in" day. My "just me" weight this week is 148 lbs; my clothed weight is 68 kg. A slight increase, but well within normal perimeters.

I also picked up my blood test results from my GP today and made an appointment to see Dr. Curtis, my gender specialist, at the end of this month. Hopefully he'll give me the OK to pursue top surgery.   

C25K - Week 2 Day 3

To take the place of the 10 week Fresh Start fitness/health programme, I have started the 9 week (estimated) NHS Choices Couch to 5K running programme. The C25K programme is a downloadable podcast that encourages you to build up to running a full 5 kilometres.

Week 2 consists of 1 podcast in which you alternately run for 90 seconds and walk for 2 minutes. You do this for a total of 20 minutes, with 5 minutes before and after to warm up and cool down.

Today was the last run of the week and was done in the pouring rain. By the time I had finished the 5 minute warm up walk, I was soaked through. By this time I was tempted to call it quits, but I thought "I might as well do it, can't very well get any wetter".

Everything went really well, with all the runs giving me no problems. I don't know if it was the rain or my stamina having gotten better, but it seemed that I was able to run and walk faster than I did in the previous two runs. The podcast had reached the middle point of the last 2 minute walk when my mp3 player decided to fizz out. I didn't give up though. I ran from where I was to my house. I counted foot falls rather than seconds (right foot, left foot 1. right foot, left foot 2.), so while the timing may have been off a bit, at least I still got that last run in! Skipped the cool down walk, but I did some stretches instead.

I'm worried about my Mp3 player. I plugged it into my computer and it's not finding it, so I can't change the files. Looks like I might have to get that iPod Touch sooner than I had planned. 

Week 3 starts on Monday!

Funding for Transition

After adding up the donations and commissions I've received from some wonderful people in the last month (thank you so much!) and half of the amount it would cost me to buy my testogel privately (I finally got my hormones funded on the NHS), the new total for my top surgery fund is £2750! And just to make it a more even amount, I'll add in an extra £50.

£2800 out of £6000. I'm so close to the halfway mark, I can smell it! Although that may be the chicken I had for lunch.

If I tighten my belt a bit more, I can probably manage to save up another 1-2000 GBP by September. That still leaves me £1000 short of my goal though. If you can help in any way, please do so. Either donating what you can afford or sharing the link to this post - every little bit helps!

For those of you who are able to donate, I thank you in advance. For those of you who can't donate but do link to this post, thank you for helping get word out.

C25K - Week 2 Day 2

To take the place of the 10 week Fresh Start fitness/health programme, I have started the 9 week (estimated) NHS Choices Couch to 5K running programme. The C25K programme is a downloadable podcast that encourages you to build up to running a full 5 kilometres.

Week 2 consists of 1 podcast in which you alternately run for 90 seconds and walk for 2 minutes. You do this for a total of 20 minutes, with 5 minutes before and after to warm up and cool down.

Today's run went rather well, even taking into consideration that I deviated from my normal route. Instead of running around the perimeter of my housing estate, I instead ran through a neighbouring estate, past Hough Green railway station, and along Liverpool Road. I was very aware that Liverpool Road is quite a bit busier than the road around my housing estate - both in pedestrians and vehicular traffic. But no one stared, pointed, or laughed at me - not that I would have noticed with my headphones on and me having "zoned out" (i.e. totally immersed in the act of running).

The final run of week 2 is on Friday. I'll probably go back to my "usual" route as I'll be able to calculate the distance ran easier. One day I'll get a GPS/MP3 player and will thus be able to vary my route more often.  

C25K - Week 2 Day 1

To take the place of the 10 week Fresh Start fitness/health programme, I have started the 9 week (estimated) NHS Choices Couch to 5K running programme. The C25K programme is a downloadable podcast that encourages you to build up to running a full 5 kilometres.

Week 2 consists of 1 podcast in which you alternately run for 90 seconds and walk for 2 minutes. You do this for a total of 20 minutes, with 5 minutes before and after to warm up and cool down.

I found the first 90 second run to be fairly easy, but I forgot to check my speed and thus the other runs were quite a bit slower as I tired myself out with the first one! I managed to cover about 2 miles during the podcast and finished the final lap around my housing estate while listening to the music I had put on my MP3 player to bring the total distance up to 2.9 miles - in the rain.

My running shoes seem to be taking good care of my ankles. I was able to walk up the stairs without any pain right after my third mile, which is a good indicator of how well the shoes support my arches and ankles!

Sponsored Walk - Planning Stages

I went into the Halton Link today to enquire about legalities of having a sponsored walk to raise awareness of Halton PCT (and other PCTs in the UK) denying treatment and medicine for transgender people. Any money raised will go towards my top surgery and any left over will be given to another trans person who is in the same situation I am.

The woman I spoke with said that as long as I don't collect money on the streets, I'll be fine and to make sure I come by the Halton Link when I start asking businesses to sponsor me!

I'm hoping to do the walk on my 35th birthday which will also be exactly one year since I came out to all my friends and family. This week I'll be figuring out the route I want to take (I know I'll be walking from Widnes town centre, across the Widnes/Runcorn bridge, back across and head home to Hough Green) and designing and printing out sponsorship forms. Next week I'll go around to local businesses, asking them to sponsor me. The week after, I'll contact local media (radio, papers) and tell them about it.

It's my hope that doing this will raise awareness in the general population about transgender rights pertaining to medical treatment and the situations we often find ourselves in when we try to get funding for surgeries and hormones that will greatly increase our quality of life.

Funding Setbacks

First, let me update you so you won't be completely lost. Two months ago my GP put in a funding request to my Primary Care Trust for my testosterone prescription. They denied the funding on the grounds that because I had gone to a private gender specialist, I had gone off their "approved transgender care pathway".

Fitness Update - 5 weeks on Fresh Start

On the 2nd of May 2012, I went to my first Fresh Start fitness course. At that time, I weighed 71.9 kilograms and my waist was 36 inches.

Fresh Start is a free weekly fitness course in Halton which combines exercise with learning about food and portions. The one I attend is taught by three wonderful people - Sophie the dietician, Paul the fitness instructor, and Steve who helps with the fitness and weighs us every week.

I really love the fitness part. Paul does a fantastic job of tailoring the circuits (or whatever we're doing in a given week) to each person and he doesn't hesitate to challenge us to reach just a bit further.

Last Wednesday, the 6th of June, was the half way point in the 10 week course. My measurements were 70 kilograms in weight and 34 inches around my waist. Not a huge difference, but I wasn't expecting too much as I'm on testosterone which has a tendency to put the weight on. To be honest, I would have been happy had my weight just stayed put from the first week.

We have another four weeks left of the course and I will make another fitness update at that time. Until then, happy exercising!

International LGBT Pride Month

June marks International LGBT Pride month all over the world. No matter where you live, chances are there are people celebrating sexual and gender diversity somewhere nearby. From Pride parades, to vigils, to street parties, to wearing t-shirts or emblems, there's something for everyone. 

Why do LGBT people celebrate Pride, you may ask? It's simply a way, for most of us, to gather together and celebrate who we are and to remind those who wish we would go away, that we're here to stay!

No matter who you are, no matter what you do this month, stay safe and have fun!

Edit: Prints are available for this painting. 

6x4 - £3
7x5 - £4
8x6 - £5
10x8 - £7
12x8 - £10
20x16 - £25 
30x20 - £30

Prices include postage and packing. 
To order, click on the donate button and leave a note saying which size you want along with your mailing address. 
All proceeds from this print will go towards my FTM transition costs.
 

 

New Fund Raising Total

Fund raising for my FTM top surgery has been, so far, slow going. I'm not going to let that deter me, however. Not being well known in the trans corners of the internet and with the world economy being as it is, to expect to reach my goal in 6-9 months is most probably an unobtainable goal. It is a goal that is important to me though, so I shall keep striving towards it.

This surgery is very important to me. Not only will it help to drastically cut down on my physical dysphoria, it will also allow me to do mundane things such as go swimming without feeling self conscious (most men don't wear a two-piece bathing suit). Having this surgery will also ensure that I don't get any binder related injuries. (Wearing a binder can result in damage to your ribs if it's worn over an extended period of time.)

Believing that if you want something bad enough, you'll try everything you can to get it, I have been quite busy trying to raise money offline as well as online. Some (but not all) of the things I have been doing in the last two months consist of selling clothing that no longer fits me, selling video games and DVDs and CDs as well as saving all of my spare change and putting it towards my top surgery fund.

I am also offering art prints as donation incentives. For more information on that, please click this link: Fundraising For Top Surgery 

As of today, the 1st of June, 2012, my total is £2623 out of £6000.

Please, if you can spare £5 or even just £1, it would really help me out a lot. You can find my donate button at the top of all of my blog entries as well as on my home page. Simply click it, sign into Paypal, and fill in how much you would like to donate. Don't forget, if you fulfil one (or more) of the incentive deals to include a note letting me know your choices in prints.

A big thank you in advance to all who help me out either by donating or sharing the link!

~Muir

2 Months In

It's been two full calendar months since I started taking testogel. The changes have been gradual, yet have still managed to sneak up on me.

Physically, I feel great. My weight is staying at around 70 kilograms (154 lbs) despite working out for about an hour a day, five days a week. I think this is due to the testosterone helping my muscles to recover faster and thus bulk up more. Most of the exercise I do consists of hand weights and resistance bands, with walking and aerobic exercise thrown in. Even though I may not be losing much weight, my body is still changing; my waist has gone down from 36 inches to 34 inches. The only things giving me problems are my knees which tend to be really sore after doing my workouts. I've found that using Voltarol Active spray on them helps.

Physical changes for this past month seem to revolve around hair. Facial hair and body hair have become slightly thicker and more noticeable, especially on my shoulders and back, stomach, and upper lip and chin. I'm shaving about once a week as the facial hair that grows in is blond and thin, which isn't the look I want. I'm guessing that in another two or three months my facial hair will look more "proper" and will grow in darker.

Mentally, I'm doing well. I've always been fairly laid back in attitude, and the testosterone hasn't changed that, although I think it may have amplified it a bit as I don't stress out nearly as much as I used to before starting T.

As always, if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to put them in below!

 

One Month In

It's been one month (four weeks) since starting testosterone.

Things I've noticed in the past two weeks since my last T blog are muscle twitches and soreness in my arms and legs - especially my calves. The dizziness first thing in the morning is gone now, thankfully. My sensitivity to sunlight has increased, giving me a really nice tan mostly on my arms and legs where I apply the testogel. UV sensitivity is a side effect of testogel so I'm not surprised by this development.

As far as I can tell, there haven't been any other changes. My voice sounds the same to me and there haven't been any changes with my body hair, although I know these things will take several months before they become noticeable.

I've started a fund raiser to help raise money for top surgery as well. My goal is to raise £6000. As of today, I'm up to £2506. All money that is donated will be spent on my top surgery. Anything left over will be donated to another transgender person to help them with their surgery costs. If you would like to help me out, the donation button can be found at the top of every page on this blog. 

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to record a video yet. When I get the chance to do so, I will embed it here.

Fundraising for Top Surgery

The next step in my transition plans is a mastectomy, more commonly known as "top surgery". The end result will give my chest a more masculine appearance and will hopefully get rid of the largest part of my physical dysphoria.

It is my hope that my hormone levels are sufficiently high enough this coming up July to enable me to get this surgery and that I will be able to get it done by the end of 2012.

Normally, the NHS would fund my surgery, however my local PCT has been known to reject funding for transgender top surgeries. As I do not wish to undergo a long and stressful battle to fight this, I must raise the money for the surgery myself.

Two Weeks In

It's been two weeks since starting T and so far so good. Early days yet, so very little changes to speak of. I'm drinking a lot of water - around 1-2 litres per day at the least plus tea (two mugs of regular and two mugs of decaf per day). My body odour has started to change a bit along with the smell of my urine.

3 Days on Testosterone

The trip to London went really well. I had reserved window seats in the Quiet coaches both ways with the added extra of being in 1st class on the way back.

Dr. Curtis was again very nice and supportive during my appointment and he answered all the questions that I had. We talked about getting a hysterectomy on the NHS sometime in future and getting top surgery privately. Both things were just mentioned a little as "next steps"; we'll go over my options in more detail the next time I go visit him. We also talked about different methods of taking T (sustanon, nebido, gel) and I stuck with my earlier decision to use the gel. Dr. Curtis went over how to use it and got three months supply out of his store.

Progress at Last

On the 2nd of February 2012, I travelled down to London for my first visit with Dr. Curtis. It went really well and I hope to see him again in March or April.

For those of you who don't recognise the name, Dr. Curtis is a private practitioner who specialises in trans gender treatment. He doesn't judge, doesn't ask trick questions, and is all in all a very personable yet professional guy.

The appointment itself was a typical assessment appointment. He asked me some questions about my childhood, how long I've felt that I am trans gender, and how I see myself. We talked about everything from the lack of education regarding trans gender issues amongst the NHS professionals to the weather to hormones and surgery. At the end of my hour long appointment, he gave me some papers which included a letter from him saying I am seeing him for treatment for transsexualism and an informed consent form which I will sign when he is ready to prescribe hormones.

The only things I am waiting for before I can make my next appointment are the letter from the psychiatrist stating I am in good mental health and my blood test results. Once I get both of them, I can make my 2nd appointment. Hopefully they won't take too long.

Whose Fault Is It?

Today I did a "verse of the day". For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this sometimes habit of mine, I will explain. When most people talk of a "verse of the day", they usually take a verse out of a religious text  - usually the Bible. I however, am not religious and do not really ascribe to any religion. Instead, my "holy text" is The Good Book - a secular/humanist/atheist text that was put together by A.C. Grayling. It is from this book that I get my verses from.

Today's verses, chosen at random, were from The Lawgiver Chapter 19 verses 30-32

For when the people have committed a wrong against a good man and then repent of their anger,
They think the easiest way to excuse themselves for this offense is the most just, namely,
To destroy the man who was the author of it and persuaded them to commit it.

Normally, when I do one of my Sunday Sermons or Verses of the Day, I type out the verses and leave the reader to come to their own conclusions. Learning is, after all, done best when a person is left to think for themselves. Sometimes though, I find myself dwelling on what I've typed and feel like maybe someone will appreciate my thoughts on the matter.

These verses bring to my mind the injustices that many LGBTQ people face today at the hands of the "well-meaning" religious right. They tell us we are sinful, abominations, and vile and abhorrent to their God. They tell us that unless we turn to their God, repent of our disgusting sexual depravities, and change to "normal heterosexuality" that we will forever burn in hell.

Sometimes though these people "receive insights from God" and realise that they what they have been saying and doing in the name of their God is wrong and hateful. Some of these people become true allies and stand with us in our struggle towards equality. Others play the "blame game", saying such things as "If my pastor hadn't told us that homosexuality was a sin, I would have never said those things to you." or "It's really the churches fault - the church is to blame for all the hatred towards you.".

The "blame game" is wrong. Period. It doesn't matter if the pastor of a church preached that being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender is sinful. It doesn't matter if a world-renowned Christian activist said that all LGBT people should do the world a favour and kill themselves. It doesn't matter if the Pope said that marriage equality will destroy "traditional" families. Yes, these people are wrong. Yes, they should be preaching love and acceptance instead of hate and divisiveness, but that's their problem.

What does matter, what is your problem, is whether you, as a religious person, listened to them. We all have a choice when someone tells us something. That choice is do you listen to it, believe it, and act upon it, or do you reject what they say as being hateful and un-Christlike? Likewise, we all have a responsibility to research the truthfulness of everything we see, hear, and read.

In summary, take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions; don't blame others for something you could have, with a little thought, done differently.